Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Mom, the Dictator

If there's anything that will put your decision-making skills to the test, it's being a mom. For all the warm and fuzzy dreams you may have had about sweet, easy-going days with baby, reality slaps you in the face like a wet diaper the moment you bring one home. Every moment of your day is filled with "When does he eat next?" "Did he eat enough?" "Why won't he sleep?" "Why won't he stop fussing" "What's that strange red rash he's got?" "Do I have time to run to the store to buy more Huggies before his nap?" "Do I nap along with him and finally get a few minutes rest, or do I take the time to finally get some housework done?" "How do I cook and hold a baby at the same time?" "When will I have my life back??"

But that is just the beginning. Next as they grow into little walking people, who make loud demands with a vocabulary of 25 words, you are forced to make snap decisions from minute to minute. Do you insist that he can't chew on the TV remote and deal with five minutes of heartbreaking tears? Do you have a contingency plan to quickly substitute a new and fascinating toy or a snack or video, all the while speaking firmly and excitedly about how much better B is from A? Do you let him go to the store with his shoes on backwards the way he wants and a clip-on tie attached to his t-shirt? Do you let him get away with two bites of chicken for lunch and handfulls of Cheetos?

It's like they never give you a break. You have to have eyes on the back of your head, and have ears like a hawk to wake up in the middle of the night for any emergency. And you have to be decisive. To be a successful parent, democracy goes out the window and the ultimate rule of dictatorship must prevail! OK, loving, hugging, playing dictatorship, but a dictator all the same.

The sooner your child understands that you are the Supreme Leader who's word is final, you will have a happier and more secure child. The more chaos you allow in your home, and the fewer decisions you choose to make, allowing them to call the shots and determine how each day goes, the unhappier and grumpier they will be. The longer this goes on, the less they will trust that you know what you are doing as a parent. There is no coincidence that single teenage mothers have a higher rate of emotionally disturbed children than those from a married, two-parent family. It takes a determined and focused parent to raise a stress-free, happy child.

The saddest thing to me is to counsel women who have teenagers who disrespect them, just because all their growing years, their mother was afraid of displeasing them. She wanted her children to like her so much that she denied them the leadership that they needed. She can't understand why they are now so rebellious when she did so much for them in the past.

Want a sure guarantee of messing up your kids? Be indecisive. Afraid of making decisions? Believe me, motherhood is not for you!


Chris said...

Well, it took me a while to get past the first paragraph because I was laughing so much about the wet diaper part... but what you are saying to SO true.
My parents were really strict with me and sure, sometimes it would really get to me but at the same time I felt so secure and respected them so much... still do today. I can't stand seeing the way kids treat their parents nowadays. It's horrible. But it does start with the parents.

Thais said...

I'm not usually one to comment, but I had to in this post. Kids need security, they need to know what is expected of them and what the consequences are. They need leardership, because they can't lead themselves. That's exactly what I teach the parents I work with as a nanny, because the children of today are the adults of tomorrow. And what kind of adults would we like them to be? Thank you so much for sharing with us. God bless you.

Amos Bethlehem said...

Mrs Evelyn,

This post and blog is very funny, and educational, I really like your blog, and you have helped me in some ways. So thank you and keep writing.


jessica said...

oh my gosh, it is really hard indeed! i have a 8 month baby, he crawl, and he is very active to put it in a pretty way. =) i just ask God to guide me, because i dont want to be a parent who has a child like that. ive determined that he is going to be a man of God.

Sabrina Durant said...

Thank you for this post because it gives a clear understanding as to how I need to be as a single mother. And to not feel guilty for not giving my son what he wants when he wants it. I used to have a hard time being strict because I thought at times it was too much for a child ti handle.I needed to really understand what is best for my child and not easy for me.This is an eye opener for me.