Monday, May 14, 2012

Friends don’t let friends be lonely

Even with a boisterous bunch of kids, tons of activities and a busy social life, there is a surprising amount of marriages that are made of two, very lonely people. 

“I want to talk to him, but I know that he resents my questions.  He’ll just keep staring at his computer as if I hadn’t said a thing, so why bother trying?”

“She has no idea how frustrating work is, but there she goes complaining about how we haven’t taken a vacation in ages. Now why would I want to spend a vacation listening to that irritating voice 24/7?”

The walls go up and the busy routines get busier, just to drown out the emotional stalemate between the two.  Does this sound familiar?    

Ask yourself:  Was there ever a time we loved talking to each other?  When did that end, or did it just fade away?  What happened?  Do I really want to spend the rest of my life in a lonely marriage?  You don’t have to if you don’t want to.

Unfortunately some couples never started out as friends.  Some found a partner that was a convenient escape from a difficult life, others found an object of sexual desire, and others just an opportunity to merge financial assets to raise a family.  Whatever the initial motive for your marriage, it’s not too late to change course.  But there is no way around the fact that making your relationship successful now, requires turning what you have into a friendship.  And not any old friendship, but a great friendship.  Great friendships talk.

Friends worry about each other’s feelings, and care about what each other is going through.  They learn to read each other and believe the best in each other, can’t wait to hang out, and think of each other first whenever there’s news to be shared. Friends enjoy a good laugh, and don’t take themselves too seriously. Friends have fun listening to each other’s silly rambling quirky thoughts, just because they’re friends.

Think about it.  Are you and your spouse friends?  Whether or not you are, you are in luck.  The Love Walk on May 20th is probably the best antidote to a lonely marriage that you can put to use right away.  

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