Our 30th anniversary prayer for you!

Today's our 30th wedding anniversary, and I know it sounds cliche, but it really feels like yesterday.  On Wednesday the 19th, we'll be making a special prayer of blessing for the relationships and love lives of both marrieds and singles.  Finding a good spouse is all about letting God lead you from the beginning.  Then making that marriage work is all about surrendering your selfishness and letting God mold you through the love of your life, to become a better, stronger and more usable servant in His Kingdom.

Dave always teaches in our Succeed in Marriage Course, that getting married is going back to school.  If you think you already know everything, don't get married.  If you're ready to be humbled, stretched, and forced to change, then you will find so much more joy and delight in your life through a good and God-based marriage.  

Enjoy our little video!  (Sorry, for some reason videos don't appear for those who use their phones to read this blog, you'll need a computer to see it...)

The boldness of a good woman

Early in 1987, Dave had graduated and we moved back to the New York area.  We were going through a huge transition that would change us forever.  At this point I had become legally blind.  My in-laws, Forrest and Marianne, had just found an amazing church that routinely changed lives that were so drastically lost, that those changes were nothing short of miraculous.  Forrest and Marianne were on fire.  They had rekindled that old passion to turn the world upside down for God that was now burning brighter than ever, and now they hand handed over their church to this pastor from Brazil, Bishop Macedo.  I was excited to learn so many new things about miracles, about healing and casting out of demons.  I was hoping that this would be my answer to the eye disease I had.

But there was so much about my life at that time that was disorienting and strange.  For one, I could see only colors and shadows, and barely any shapes with the help of straining and squinting.  No lenses of any sort could help.  I also had just moved with Dave back to the east coast after three and a half years in Iowa on our own.  Those were the first three and a half years of our marriage, and much of who we were as a couple until then was shaped by those years.  Not only did we move, but into his parent's home.  The plan was for me to find a job, just as I had worked in Iowa as Dave studied, and Dave was to prepare for his final exam to be licensed as a chiropractor in the state of New Jersey.  Then he'd start working and we could start saving up for a house and move out on our own.  But that didn't happen.

I felt like I was being thrown into a giant blender.  I was up for some excitement, for God to do great things, and for miracles to happen.  I wanted to learn and to be used by God, but it was all so confusing.  There were so many new things happening and a lot of the old ideas of what serving God meant were being bumped up to a much higher level.  Bishop Macedo and his family were in the process of learning English and all my questions just had to wait.

I remember Sunday afternoon meetings on the second floor of the church in lower Manhattan, with the Bishop singing and praising God, encouraging us to seek the Holy Spirit.  He would tell everyone to feel free to stand or sit or raise their hands or whatever they wanted to do.  It was strange but wonderful to me that people could be so free to worship in this way.  I had grown up in churches where no one dared do anything that demonstrated feelings or individual worship, and as I looked around at others who were raising their hands and praying out loud, I admired them.  What a nice church that can allow people to feel so free to worship as they chose, I thought.

But as for me, my choice was to remain in my chair and bow my head and pray silently.  My prayers were sincere, my desire for God was deep, but it just wasn't "ME" to be so demonstrative.

One Sunday afternoon, it was the time for worship and as usual I was seated with my head in my hands, praying and wishing I could be as free as the other people in the room who were standing with their arms raised to heaven.  But I had to be myself, and myself was just to talk to God quietly in my corner.  The more I prayed, the more awkward I felt and distant from everyone else there.  But I had to be me.  I spoke to God sincerely and told Him that I wanted to be used by Him, to do whatever it was He wanted from me.  And then I felt a strong grip of hands on my shoulders.  It was Marianne, my mother-in-law.  She leaned up to speak into my ear, quietly enough so no one could hear her, but firmly enough to let me know that she meant business!

"Evelyn, stand up!  Stand up and lift your hands up to God right now! God needs you to praise Him!"  She squeezed and shook my shoulders as only a mother would, and then briskly walked back to her chair.  I was so shocked by what she had done, I jumped to my feet, stuck my hands in the air and started praying - loudly.  I think I was terrified of what she'd do if I resisted, but I believe it was more than that. I had been suppressing a yearning that I had had for a long time to just worship God with all my heart soul mind and strength, but hadn't out of embarrassment for how I might look to others.  I needed a shake-up by a woman who was bold enough to give me a push.  I am grateful that she did, because from that moment on, I learned the joy of throwing off my fears and focusing 100% on God in my worship.  And the funny thing was that no one even noticed since everyone else was busy worshipping too.

I never mentioned this to her, but I know that she saw the change that came over me.  My prayers have not been the same - a simple change of posture awakened a boldness in my faith and an assurance that God is right there receiving my worship and requests. Two and a half years later, this boldness built a faith in me that led to my healing.

I know many people who are just like I was.  They come to church with open hearts to learn, to give thanks to God and to fight against the evil in their lives, but worshipping Him in boldness is one of those things that is hard to take a hold of. But when people are in suffering, in the anguish of depression, addictions and broken homes, they need to cry out freely to God and connect with Him on a deep and honest level, and where else better to do that than in His house?  Forget that we're taught to be polite and quiet in church, forget that we equate silence with respect.  There is a time to cry out, loudly, just as there is  a time to worship quietly.  But if shame blocks us, none of it can honor God.

Well as most of you know, Dave never did take those state exams.  He had been called to become a pastor and leave behind his career goals, and there were many more bold acts of faith that God would require of us in the months and years to come.  Thank goodness we both learned to throw away our inhibitions and go for it, no small thanks to a great woman of God, Marianne Higginbotham!

Sugar-coated pride and shocking humility

Pride: the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance

Humility: having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance

Those definitions sound pretty self-explanatory.  We all can point fingers at people we're sure are proud, and can think of others we consider humble.  But pride and humility in God's dictionary is not always what it appears to be in our human understanding.

The cornerstone of civilized society and good manners, is to behave graciously and considerately towards everyone.  Be polite, don't be arrogant, selfish or egotistical.  Be thoughtful of others.  Mind your manners.  But if our idea of not being proud is based on this, we ignore a huge load of prideful behavior that slips by unchecked.

Moses, according to the Bible, was the most humble man on the face of the earth.  But what made Moses the most useful to God?  His faith caused him to be bold, aggressive, even confrontational towards Pharaoh and even towards the people of God when they had turned their backs on God.  He was tough and unmoving, and took control of what God had placed into his hands.  Not the typical description that comes to mind of a humble person.

Prideful people can be very civilized and polite and extremely selfish at the same time.

Humble people can be selfless and giving, while being outspoken, unbending and even angry as well.

The superficial qualities we attribute to these attitudes can be very misleading.  What we need to do is learn what God thinks of both pride and humility.

An example of pride could be:  Someone has seen a big answer to their prayers.  They see that not only has God given them the new job that they've been praying for, they've also learned a lesson about using their faith and trusting in God's promises, even when they hadn't seen any changes yet.  God changed their employment problem, but also changed their view of Him and taught them the power of persistent faith.  Great testimony, but when they have the opportunity to share it, an overwhelming feeling stops them.  "Don't be such a show-off, you haven't even started working yet.  If you tell everyone in church about how you've been struggling with doubts, they'll think of you as a weakling.  Don't tell them, keep it to yourself. Be HUMBLE."

And so those in the church who are also struggling with the same problems of doubts and unanswered prayer, who could have been helped and greatly encouraged by that testimony, never hear it, because of ugly, selfish PRIDE.  Pride disguised as humility.

Another example:  Someone feels a heavy weight of depression overcoming them, and they are doing their best to fight it off through prayer and trying to focus on all that God has been teaching them.  But day after day it seems to be getting worse.  The thought comes to go for some prayer and counseling at church, but a stronger feeling takes over.  "You've been in the church this long and you still can't get over depression?  What's wrong with you?  All you want to do is run to your pastor for counseling... you should know better, after all that Bible study you've been doing.  Fix yourself for goodness sake!"  And though that person has tried and tried to "fix themselves" to no avail, they still refuse to reach out for counsel, prayer and for a fresh perspective from their pastor to help them fight.  They think they're "bothering" the pastor, and perhaps in some churches, pastors really don't want to listen to their church members' struggles... but not in mine!

So once again pride disguised as humility keeps someone captive to their demons for an interminably long time.

Then there's that misunderstood fruit of the spirit, humility:  Someone has just given their life to God, and determined to live only for Him.  But at work, the gossips and foul-mouthed jokers wants him to join in all their “fun.” He still loves and cares for them, but the ribbing and the joking become ugly as it’s turned against him.  He could cave in.  Or he could feel intimidated and hide from them.  Or he could boldly and kindly let them know that he just isn’t into that stuff anymore.  Immediately he’s branded as a snob, as “the church lady,” and much worse.  He has to boldly go to work everyday, determined to be happy and blessed, no matter what anyone says.  He has to smile, serve, give, and even defend his faith if the situation calls for it.  He has to be fearless, courageous, thick-skinned.  Humble.

One example of Jesus’ humility?  When He kicked out the mourners from Jairus’ house so he could heal the little girl.  Another one?  When He called the Pharisees a brood of vipers and tombs full of dead man’s bones.  Not once ounce of pride ever entered Jesus’ heart, yet He sure did make a lot of people angry with Him!  Humility can be pretty hard-core, because it’s doing exactly what God requires, despite the opinions of anyone else around us.

Pride is refusing to do God’s will, and assuming that our own ideas are better than His.  If He calls us to battle against evil and we shrink back , call it fear or cowardice, but at the root it’s pride.  “I know what’s best God – I don’t trust You to tell me what to do.”

He calls us to let go of a problem and put an end to worry, and we refuse, the root of that is pride.  “Of course I have to worry about this!  I’m the only one who can fix it.”

He calls us to boldly take control of a situation and trust that He’ll guide us, but we make excuses why we can’t, we are acting in pride.  “God, you have no idea what I’m going through, leave this to me…”

Sugar-coated pride and shockingly strong humility.  Which one do you live in?

Moms - it's time to laugh and know you're loved!!

Happy Mother's Day and thanks for all the love and effort and diapers you've changed throughout the years.  There would be no us - without you!!

So what's the opposite of depression?

The website for the world-famous Mayo Clinic has a good deal to say about depression, and even more about depression among women.  These are just some of the facts they state:

• About 1 in 5 women develop depression at some point in life.
• Women are nearly twice as likely as men to have depression. 
• Depression can occur at any age, but it's most common in women between the ages of 40 and 59.
• Vastly fluctuating hormone changes, from puberty, PMS, pregnancy and postpartum, on until perimenopause and menopause, cause a woman to become vulnerable to depression.
• Outside influences such as abuse, neglect or rejection compound the likelihood of depression 

So it seems as if we are all doomed to fall into this ugly pit whether we want to or not.  Our physical bodies and all the changes we go through, plus accumulated junk from unfair and unkind treatment appear to make depression inevitable to all women.  How in the world are we expected to fight it?

I am no psychiatrist, but I have observed how our perceptions of the world around us make all the difference.  Our vision of who God is, of who we are and of what is possible for our future.  I have also observed that negative thoughts are often fueled by a spirit.  They are more than just thoughts, but spiritual beings give life to them, and cause them to "infect" us emotionally and spiritually.  They seem like logical thoughts, but they are usually driven by a very evil source.  Yes, I'm talking about demons.  

That's why it's so hard for us to wrestle ourselves out of depression.  Someone can present a perfectly logical argument as to why our feelings are wrong, and why we should move on and believe in something better.  But because negativity has a life of its own, a spirit driving itself deep into our inner core, we just can't seem to shake it.

Which also why those who suffer in depression can become very obstinate and easily insulted when someone tries to comfort or encourage them.  Those thoughts become intertwined with their own identity.  They hate the depression, but at the same time, attacking the depression feels like they are attacking themselves.  And so they nurse those feelings and struggle to find a way to get rid of them while holding onto the root of them at the same time.  

Negativity wants our eyes to point inward.  When we notice anything outwardly - our family, friends, co-workers etc., we react against them when they confirm those negative feelings that we already have.  A look, a harsh word, a joke, a slight, an inconsiderate action.  The negativity already enmeshed in our emotions screams loudly against each incident, and we are convinced that God and the world have abandoned us to a life of suffering and injustice.  We may never say that openly because it sounds so dramatic, but the overwhelming feelings say exactly that.  

As painful as depression is, the antidote for depression is also painful.  But in a very different way - in a healing way.  It's the pain of tearing our eyes off of ourselves and off of our wounded heart, and setting them firmly on God.  It's a change of vision.  To stop looking at the minuscule and to see the infinite.  Already I know that those with depression are angry that I would dare insult them by implying that they are, 1. Self-centered and 2. Faithless.  

That's where the beginning of the pain starts - the good pain.  The pain of ignoring your ego and admitting that there is so much within your own power that needs to be done, so that God can be free to bring about a total healing.  It can be done.  You don't need to interpret the behavior of others as being an attack against you anymore.  Their own negative tendencies or flaws never have to hurt you again.  Ever.  It can be done.  You can be healed of all the horrible memories of the past, and never let them hurt you again.  Ever.  You can learn to believe in the impossible, in what you've never seen, in what you've always dreamed could be possible, but were afraid to hope for.  It can be done, and not only that - those dreams can quickly become reality.  That happens through sacrifice.  Through the sacrifice of your ego.  

It seems insensitive to tell a wounded person who is deep in depression, that one of the keys to freedom is humility.  "But I've been humiliated all my life - how dare you say that?"  Not humiliation, but humility.  Admitting that you need to change your mindset, to kill the ideas of what you think is too hard to do, to have a vision of what you can do, even if it seems scary.

Another key to freedom is learning a healthy dose of boldness to believe in yourself.  "So you think I'm insecure because I want to be?  You think it's as easy as just changing my mind? Don't you know what I've gone through?"  Yes, but making excuses why you won't try is also being proud.  Sorry, but it takes humility to be bold, to start acting against your own emotions and to go places and do things that you had always avoided out of fear of rejection.  Believing in yourself is all a part of believing that God  created you perfectly and will back you up.  He will be faithful to you.  Your boldness is an act of faith, that weakens the demonic forces that have a hold on you.  You need to visualize that in your mind's eye.

The best and most amazing key of all is to have a GREAT BIG vision of God, His power, His love for you, His protection, His healing, His plans, His future - His everything.  I imagine that someday when we stand before Him and see Him face to face, all our worries will seem so ridiculous and petty.  We'll wonder why we hadn't believed more when we had the chance, why we didn't expect more, surrender more, why we wasted so much time gazing at our own inner conflicts that could have been erased in a moment.

I've known women who have left depression behind and have made massive leaps ahead in their lives.  They are the ones who had the courage to use these keys, and to believe in a great vision for themselves.  They visualized what was possible, and then determined that it would become reality.  Never was any of them perfect at it, but their desire and their sincere attempts to sacrifice their egos, pride, fear and all the rest, brought about their personal miracles.  I know others who have learned all of this, but continue to look inward, and have never found freedom.    

The opposite of depression?  VISION!!   

  

Christian radio, fluff, and depravity

Funny how you can hear people talking and just know that they are church-going folks because of the lingo they choose, the happy-happy chirpy tone of voice you often hear on Christian radio.  I always smile knowing when a believer is behind me in the check-out line at the supermarket, but I often wonder just how deep that faith goes.

I’m not being judgmental, but I say this because I’ve talked to a good number of these sweet-natured chirpy Christians who hold many deep resentments and anger issues and feel uncomfortable speaking to their pastors about it.  That’s why they come to us. We meet them in our Anger Management courses or Marriage Courses, or they just walk in searching for help.  But they are “good Christians,” at least they all say they want to be.  Some have been Sunday-school teachers who like to frequent strip clubs or get high on the weekends.  Some admit to substance abuse to deal with stress, others suffer from debilitating depression.   Some feel so unloved that they have affairs and are eaten up inside with guilt.  They sing in the choir, lead the youth group, are members of the board, and somehow get caught up in online indecency, hateful texting, addictions, blame, guilt, fights, violence, pain.

So when I listen to the local Christian station and hear those slick DJs with their oily voices and forced smiles repeating their scripted clichés… “Sometimes God just wants us to rest on Him.  He cares, and He listens, and that’s all that matters.  Let’s get uplifted now with a great new song by Jeremy Camp…”  I feel a bit nauseated.

All that matters is that He listens and cares?  Aren’t we supposed to expect an answer?  A real change?  No… apparently as long as He listens, that’s the best we can hope for.  So little is offered, and we are encouraged to celebrate the slightest hint of an answer because it’s unreasonable to expect anything more from God.

A lady called in to one of these stations with a “testimony” of how she had been crying on the anniversary of her mother’s death, and praying for God to send her mother a message in heaven that she still loved her.  A few minutes later, her mother’s favorite song came on and she burst into tears, knowing without a doubt that God had sent the message and that her mother was responding through the song.  Now, just how dead people can determine the song line-up of a radio station, I have no idea, but the DJ sure thought it was a great testimony of faith, love and family unity...

No mention that the song plays once an hour anyway.  No one gave a thought to the bizarre concept of communicating with the dead, something on the same level as consulting mediums and doing witchcraft.  No idea that heaven is so awesomely amazing, why would anyone in heaven even want to hear a message from us? (Remember King Saul and Samuel?)  Not to mention that God is not a messenger boy who needs to tell anyone up there that we say, “Hi.”  But as far as the DJ was concerned, it was a story worthy of an oily-voiced, “Praise God for your faith, ma’am, and for the love of family - we know that God still cares, and that’s all that matters,” then she made a slick transition to another hit song.  Gotta keep those listeners pleased.

I know some people who would take offense at me saying that this was no miracle.  Sorry, but I think that God deserves to be glorified for doing the impossible - healing the sick, raising the dead, casting out demons, and transforming lives just like He did 2000 years ago.  He can comfort us in small ways, but why not expect more, especially when so much evil is contaminating Christian lives?

People want to find the Almighty God, they want to see miracles and need help desperately.  But they are settling for fluff, for oily voices, for clichés and false comfort.  No wonder believers are falling away like dry leaves when there is so little substance to the message Christians have today.  If we don’t step up and show God’s power as real and tangible, no one else will.  Our God is an awesome God, as the song goes.  Where are the Christians who strive to reflect that in the world?  …  For those of us who claim His name as our own, that really is all that matters.

The Beautiful Altar

This morning we're going to be praying with our pastors who have gone to Mt. Hermon in Israel to lift us up to God as they stand at the peak of the same mountain where Jesus was transfigured thousands of years ago.  Mountains were holy places, God-made altars where men came before Him to cry out, to give thanks and to hear what He had to tell them.  The Mount of Olives, Mt. Carmel, Mt. Moriah, Mt. Sinai and Mt. Calvary.  They were a symbol of us reaching up to God, and Him reaching down to us.

I never really thought in terms of altars and holy places as I grew up. Altars to me were just tables to hold decorative church-y things in my mind.  Big bibles on a stand, the offering plates, candlesticks, and once a month, the communion cups and bread.  But that was because I didn't understand the beauty of altars. I didn't know that they were the place where man connected with God.  The place of sacrifice and giving was also the same place of receiving much more beyond what we could give.  It was an exciting place, a place of power and contact with the supernatural.

This hit home for me in Africa when my husband and I were traveling all over the continent practically every week.  I had a one year old, and an 11 year old who both needed a lot of my care and attention.  Our home was like a guest house for traveling pastors from around Africa who came through Johannesburg for supplies and to attend pastors' meetings.  We had little privacy, and little time to ourselves, and the boys, though they loved getting to know other people, really needed the stability of a calm and peaceful home.  As much as I loved the opportunity to travel and see other countries, I hated knowing that my children were being left in the care of others.  The other women who helped me were a wonderful God-send, but they were not my children's mom - I was, and I kept leaving them, feeling guilty as I went to do the work of God by my husband's side.

There were times I asked him to let me stay home and for him to go alone, and he was always understanding, but there were many times that I knew it was important for me to be with him in his travels.  Sometimes it would be for a day, three days, a week or more.  And each time I'd leave with those sad faces of my children in my mind, and my heart would ache.  I'd pray and pray for God to take care of them, but sometimes I'd come home to find out that homework wasn't done right because I wasn't there, and he'd get into trouble in school. or the baby had fallen and hurt himself or would have a fever because he caught a cold... there was always something to make me feel so guilty that I had abandoned my children when they needed me.

I couldn't figure out why God wasn't answering my prayers to take care of them while I was away.  I was doing it for His sake, caring for His people who were suffering in other countries, why didn't He protect my children from harm?

There was a time in church when we were hearing a lot about Abraham and his sacrifice of Isaac.  God revealed to me that I had to learn to sacrifice my children.  I already was, physically speaking, but spiritually and emotionally I was still holding on to them.  I'd leave, and then worry and fear for them, and fill my mind with negative thoughts.  I wasn't surrendering them to God, even though I thought I was.

I began to think of what Abraham had done.  The moment he had relinquished his son to the will of God, to be willing to take his beloved child's life with his own hands, a spiritual power came upon them both.  At the moment that this child was placed on the altar, that act made young Isaac holy.  He was shining in the spiritual world, and Abraham was too.  They were covered in God's protection because they had both become holy.  No evil can touch a sacrifice when it is given with a heart of trust, and no evil can touch the giver of that sacrifice.  It's like God's spiritual force-field surrounds them both.  Since God didn't want evil for Abraham or for Isaac, He didn't allow Abraham to go through with the killing, and told him to take his son back, unharmed.  That was a huge turning point for Abraham, and why God calls us to look to him as the Father of Faith.

So I reasoned that it was time for me to relinquish my children to God, to place them on the altar like Isaac, every time I had to leave them.  I had to believe that God's power was covering them, because this was not my choice, but the life that God had called me to at that time.  I was obeying, so God would have to reach down to make my sacrifice holy, untouchable to the devil.  Just giving them up and feeling pain wasn't a sacrifice - it was the trust that this "altar" in my heart where I placed them both, would be a holy place that God would honor.

The day I began to truly sacrifice my children to God, was when all the sadness and turmoil stopped.  They were fine, they were blessed and happy, and they were not traumatized by the experiences as my fears and convinced me they would.  My faith obligated God to protect them from physical and emotional harm, and that's just what He did.  Eventually those trips slowed down, and when we moved back to the States, i was able to stay with them 24/7, which I loved!  But ever since then, I have offered them to God and I see them on that altar, surrendered to Him.  They are not mine, but His, and because of that they are safer than anywhere else in the world.

Now I don't see altars as just decorations in the church.  They may be a simple table or a little platform where the pastor preaches, but when he stands there and humbly offers himself to God to deliver God's message to His people, the power of God comes upon both the giver, and the recipients of that message.  And when we go to that altar to lay down our offerings and sacrifices, or when we come forward to offer God our lives, those offerings represent our choice to honor Him above all else.  We are covered in His light, and we are able to connect with Him because we are giving - heart, soul, mind and strength.  It's a wonderful thing to know you have become untouchable to the devil because the light that shines in you is unbearable for the devil to approach. No wonder the devil hates the idea of sacrifice!