Third of the Three Intolerables

This one should be obvious, but to a surprisingly large amount of people, it is not: affairs.

Unfaithfulness has deep and destructive effects that can't easily be healed by a simple, "I'm sorry, I won't do that again."  That doesn't mean that cheating or affairs automatically makes your marriage hopeless, but if the wound is not treated in a radical way by both partners, it could easily become fatal.

I have seen the issue of unfaithfulness become a big mess plenty of times.  It's often one spouse feels so unloved, that they have a secret sexual fling out of emotional distress, or some desperate hope to win back the affections of the other spouse.  Stupid, I know, but people do this.  A lot.

Then the affair is discovered.  She weeps in remorse saying that she just wanted him to give her attention. He is angry, hurt, betrayed, but then takes her back because she seems so sorry.  The marriage goes on, but no underlying problems were resolved.  His inability to be affectionate, her insecurities, his feelings of inadequacy to make her happy, her frustrations, nagging and put-downs, just grow with time.

Eventually a breaking point comes and he finds himself in the arms of another woman - not wanting to end his marriage, just wanting to feel loved, and now the tables are turned.  Again the affair is discovered.  She's mad.  He's mad that she would have the gall to be mad after what she had done to him.  She feels guilty because of her own unfaithful past, but also vengeful towards him and the other woman.  They now both love and hate each other, but can't let each other go.

And here we find ourselves in a tangled mess of a soap opera-worthy melodrama.  Except it's worse, because it's real.

Neither of them were prepared to make the tough decisions to live up to high standards before they even agreed to marry.  What are those standards?

• My value as a person doesn't depend on anyone else but me.
• Promises of faithfulness in any area of my life will not be broken, even when I don't feel like it.
• I don't enter into agreements with people who don't believe in being true to their word.
• If I am fooled by someone who is unfaithful, I'll only take them back if that character flaw is gone.
• If I find myself tempted into unfaithfulness, I will seek urgent help to change a serious character flaw within me.
• I don't use flirting or sexuality as a form of revenge or attention seeking.
• I have the right to end a relationship with an untrustworthy person.
• Forgiveness doesn't mean trust. 
• I will give my best to whom I marry - I don't accept anything less in return.

Happy couples know that there is a high price to staying happy.  The knowledge that each partner holds themselves, and each other, to a high standard adds far more value to a marriage than just passionate romantic feelings.

"I'll never be happy without her," is never true for those who have a healthy sense of self-worth.  It's not just her presence that can give you fulfillment, but her character - combined with your own. Contrary to popular opinion, love only intensifies and sweetens with each year of patient, enduring, hard-working, faithfulness on both sides.  Maybe you've never been a witness to that kind of marriage,  so decide to make yours become the first.

Marriage counseling and courses available at SucceedinLife.org

 

The Love Walk continues...

Just because the date of our Love Walk has already passed, you can still do your own!  The Love Walk kit which includes 2 T-shirts, an explanatory CD and two brochures, can be ordered either by phone or online at SucceedinLife.org or 888-691-2291.

Finding the Real Thing

A true blue Christian - that was me.  I was taught to be good, honest, caring and a faithful attender of church.  Time quickly proved that my goodness couldn't protect me from the loneliness, depression, fear, and eventual illness that was swallowing me up.  I asked Sunday School teachers, parents and friends about this in general ways so as not to imply that I actually had any of these problems myself, and I was given general answers about just trusting in the Lord and waiting on His timing, that sometimes He allows bad things to happen for our own good.  Basically, just keep smiling and don't complain.

Struggling to be the good happy Christian while the fear of what would become of me, felt like a gaping wound in the center of my chest that made it hard for me to even breathe; many unresolved questions and issues that I had shoved into the back of my consciousness kept it raw and bleeding.  But you never would have guessed it if you had seen me at the weekly prayer groups and Bible studies on my college campus.  I was funny, outgoing, always had a lot to say... and terrified.

Years were spent crying out to God and wondering why reading His Word left me feeling so bereft.  How beautifully He healed that woman with the hemorrhage.  How compassionate He was to set that demon-possessed man free and to give sight back to the blind.  "What about me?  Why are You so silent now?" I'd ask.

But when I felt like He just doesn't care, and hadn't heard a word, I kept on praying, and things happen.

It's been 23 years since I found this church.  But it wasn't just the church or the organization or the founder - it was the practice of that Early Church kind of faith that made me know that I had found God's answer.  Miracles happened there - all the time.  Demons were cast out, and church members knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was real.  No apologetics class needed!  That's where I learned to face down my problems, with a living and active faith that WORKED.  That's where I learned how to have a level of faith that had no room for fear or emotionalism, but treated the Word of God as alive and something to be acted upon every day.  That's where I found my healing from all of my wounds, both inside and out.

I know that God's Church is greater than all the church organizations in the world, and that many are truly His from every place and walk of life.  But one thing I know is that playing church is a sure way to be disappointed in God.  Find the real thing - I did.

We're opening our newest Succeed in Life Center this Sunday, Feb. 7th in Houston - see the video below, and come find me there and let's pray, fight and overcome in Jesus' name.

Our New Church in Houston!

Come on Sunday the 7th of Houston at 10am , 7075 Southwest Freeway, Houston, TX 77074 - I'll be there, how about you?

D-Day 2009, by David Higginbotham

During the Second World War a time came when leaders of the Allied Forces knew they needed a decisive victory if they were going to win the war against Nazi Germany. So they decided on a plan, spent months preparing themselves and then on June 6th, 1944, launched the largest single-day amphibious assault of all time – popularly known as D-Day.

160,000 troops were packed into 6900 ships and transported by night across the English Channel from England to France, where they were to run onto unprotected beaches and confront German tanks, one million mines and machine gun nests. For additional support, overnight parachute and glider landings placed thousands of troops behind enemy lines.

Crazy you say? Absolutely! But it was the turning point of WWII. Before that day the Allied Forces were losing the war. London was on fire from daily aerial bombings and most of Europe was in the hands of the Nazis. So something drastic had to be done.

Within one month over one million troops had landed on the Normandy beaches and German troops were in retreat. The rest is history.

The spirit of the Day of Decision is exactly the same. All or nothing. Throw everything you have into one all-out leap of faith. Be audacious. Stop doing what doesn’t work and try something new.

65 years ago the Allied commanders knew that if they kept up the normal routine, defeat was guaranteed. But what about you today? If you keep doing the same old things, what can you really expect? Aren’t you guaranteed more of the same, or worse?
On the Day of Decision we propose that you challenge God to begin to show His power in your life in a tangible, concrete way that’ll leave no doubts. Declare your personal D-Day on September 13.

No words. Just action. Win the war for a better life.

Succeed in Life Center 5150 N. SHepherd Dr. Houston, Texas, 77018 1-888-691-2291 www.succeedinlife.org