Power hungry girls

I almost had to laugh speaking to the teenage girls in one of our churches on a recent Sunday.  Some had grown up in the church while others had just started attending a few weeks before.  Some had never read a Bible in their lives, and all of them came from unsavory neighborhoods and had seen unspeakable things.  I looked across the classroom of dead-pan faces, girls clad in tight jeans, tight tank-tops or scoop necked t-shirts, just  daring me to say something that they would think even slightly interesting.

It seems that acceptable behavior among teen girls in the ghetto is to show absolutely no regard for adults.  Stare at them, but don't speak to them.  When asked a question, say nothing, don't respond.  The body language is meant to say, "Why should I care about you when I don't even care about myself?  You are meaningless, you are one of THEM."

Thank goodness that I have wised up to the fact that those are just lies they hide behind. None of them really feel that way.  All of them are lonely, afraid, insecure, and desperately in need of care and guidance.  They all wanted to hear what I had to say, but were terrified of showing it.  They've been enslaved to a spirit that threatens to make life miserable if they become open and honest.

But as I talked, I discovered that what they were looking for was not love or acceptance or purpose, but power.  These are girls that wouldn't bat an eye beating up a friend that turned on them.  I know because they told me so, sincerely believing that that was the only way to solve the problem.  Telling them that Jesus teaches to turn the other cheek brought out shrieks of protest.  "What?  Why???!!"  Letting others have the upper hand is unthinkable.  In their lives where drug dealers prowl their streets, where their own relatives have attempted to rape them, where violence at home is the norm, where the school yard is a place of survival of the fittest, the concepts of servanthood and giving to receive are as alien as another galaxy.

If I had a daughter facing danger, I'd want her to be equipped with something powerful to protect her, but what would that be?  I began to speak of the invisible world of God's Spirit that surrounds them, and the power they have over evil in their lives.  Demons are real, unseen forces that provoke violence are our enemy, not the people who we see in front of us.  Their eyes widened as they learned that there was a power that they could use that would keep them safe, and that would fight for them, the power of faith in Jesus and the authority He gives us over evil.  Examples and testimonies made some sit up with excitement, while others squirmed uncomfortably as if something inside of them hated hearing it.

I asked, do you want to have this power?  The only way it can work is if you surrender your life completely to God's Spirit, and let Him control you.  That's when you're under His protection.  Do everything differently, upside down, give before receiving, love those who hate you, believe before your eyes see any change, and learn to face the devil head on with no fear, and drive him out of your life.  Now that's power that can have the after-effects of a nuclear bomb.

They left with different looks on their faces than when they came in.  I challenged them to try it for just one week and tell me what happened.  Let's see if they did.

Manipulations of the "Perfect Wife"

In our marriage courses at church and among the many couples we counsel, a recurring syndrome has been noticed:  the "abusive victim."  I've seen it among husbands, but in my experience, mostly in wives.

She badgers, complains and nags him because he is not getting things done quite right.  She is a "perfectionist" she claims, she loves him dearly and wants to help him improve.  She also knows how to indulge him with lots of loving actions: delicious food, an impeccable home, affection, hugs and kisses, but she knows how to make him feel like trash, that he doesn't deserve any of it.  She reminds him of what a mess he was when she found him, and how she has so generously "fixed" him.  She subtly convinces him he is one lucky, lucky man to have such a perfect wife.

But the nagging is unreasonable and unbearable.  She always has a justification for it, but she makes sure to push his buttons, over and over again.  Until he finally explodes.  He behaves monstrously.  He shouts, he becomes abusive, he punches holes in the walls.  He knows he is a worthless nobody because she reminds him every day by her attitudes, and something inside of him can't bear it any more.  But now what has he done?  He has proven once again that he is a monster, an evil man, unworthy and oh, so fortunate that this wonderful perfect wife whom he has victimized will accept him back home again. So he bows his head in shame and goes back to her, apologizing and torturing himself that he is less than a man.  And the cycle begins all over again.

She has him in a head-lock, and is draining every bit of life from him year by year.  The big question is, how do you show him the lies that he is believing about himself?  How can you encourage him without revealing the manipulations of his "perfect" wife?

It is a reality that some women enjoy seeing their husband fail and suffer, so that he will always be grateful to her for rescuing him like a lost puppy.  It's sadistic but it's true.  The only hope I see for a couple like this is in spiritual warfare, to break the back of this demon of the abusive "victim".