She badgers, complains and nags him because he is not getting things done quite right. She is a "perfectionist" she claims, she loves him dearly and wants to help him improve. She also knows how to indulge him with lots of loving actions: delicious food, an impeccable home, affection, hugs and kisses, but she knows how to make him feel like trash, that he doesn't deserve any of it. She reminds him of what a mess he was when she found him, and how she has so generously "fixed" him. She subtly convinces him he is one lucky, lucky man to have such a perfect wife.
But the nagging is unreasonable and unbearable. She always has a justification for it, but she makes sure to push his buttons, over and over again. Until he finally explodes. He behaves monstrously. He shouts, he becomes abusive, he punches holes in the walls. He knows he is a worthless nobody because she reminds him every day by her attitudes, and something inside of him can't bear it any more. But now what has he done? He has proven once again that he is a monster, an evil man, unworthy and oh, so fortunate that this wonderful perfect wife whom he has victimized will accept him back home again. So he bows his head in shame and goes back to her, apologizing and torturing himself that he is less than a man. And the cycle begins all over again.
She has him in a head-lock, and is draining every bit of life from him year by year. The big question is, how do you show him the lies that he is believing about himself? How can you encourage him without revealing the manipulations of his "perfect" wife?
It is a reality that some women enjoy seeing their husband fail and suffer, so that he will always be grateful to her for rescuing him like a lost puppy. It's sadistic but it's true. The only hope I see for a couple like this is in spiritual warfare, to break the back of this demon of the abusive "victim".
