Not Your Typical Mother's Day Message...

Leadership Tips for Mothers

We're back again to topics on parenthood, for all you moms, moms-to-be, teachers and anyone else who needs a little help in getting the little ones to grow up well, here are a few worthwhile bits of advice.  Let me know what areas you'd like to read about.  I may not be an expert, but I've actually done all that I write about, so they're tried and true nuggets of wisdom - well, at least nuggets of common sense!


Dad is the head of the household, no doubt about that.  But because of work responsibilities and time at home, it’s normally mom who takes direct control of the day-to-day decisions when it comes to raising the children.  It’s a great honor to be entrusted with the molding and shaping of your little one’s lives, but at times it requires a will of steel to keep everyone in line.  Being a good leader does not always come naturally, and a few basic pointers can be very helpful for those wise enough to put them into practice.  Here are five of them that you can use right away:

1. Be the visionary – Promote a vision, a direction that you want your home to take and that the children can follow behind.  Do you want your home to be one where God’s Spirit and character are emulated?  That has to be a part of the basis for all you decide to do and make it clear that is the motivation for your decisions.  Getting a good education, doing well on even the smallest jobs, helping with the household chores and showing consideration to others all need to stem from this greater vision of your home.  You are the source of that vision, and if you stray from it, the kids will lose focus and motivation.

2. Be involved – For some mothers, this seems obvious, but sadly others don’t see the need.  Your children’s school and activities don’t exist merely for you to escape from the stress of child-raising, they all play a part in the shaping of your child’s values and character.  You need to be a part of their lives, see who it is they are befriending, know who it is that is influencing them, observe whether they are learning subtle lessons that you don’t approve of, and know about their successes.  Every child feels secure and proud to have mom on the sidelines cheering them on, and will be able to handle any corrections you give because they know that your actions already show how much you care.

3. Keep the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Show this by your own example as you show kindness to your husband and children and everyone else you come in contact with.  Enforce it as a rule that is even punishable.  Rudeness and selfishness cannot be tolerated.

4. Criticize wisely – Parents who just fly off the handle and yell out of emotion often find that their kids just tune them out the bigger they get.  The pushier you are, the less they listen.  Think carefully of a rational and clear argument to present when disciplining your child.  You can be angry, but be logical and reasonable at the same time.  Most likely they will already know that they are wrong, and will have a harder time arguing back when you have solid facts that speak for themselves.

5. Be quick with encouragement and praise - Acknowledging even small accomplishments can do wonders for a child’s self-esteem and desire to do even better.  Don’t laugh at the mistakes they made while trying their best to do well (the painting of Daddy with six fingers…you know what I mean!)  Remember that every child longs for the approval of his or her parents, and loving praise given will be returned to you with a solid bond of trust.  

Random Myths that Need Busting

Myth: It is unfair, unhealthy and unethical to be asked to work more that 40 hours a week.

Fact: When you are working at something you love, and something that you know will bless your life, extra hours put in on the job are a joy and should be seen as an investment with great returns.

Myth: You should not speak about unpleasant subjects such as death, war, abuse or the occult in front of your children or they will be traumatized.

Fact: You'd better speak to your children about all of the above! They need to hear the truth about how God views all of them from your mouth before they start forming their own opinions based on what they see on TV. If you are scared or upset about any of these, they will be as well. If you understand the freedom and authority God gives us over all evil, than these subjects can turn into beautiful discussions of how much we can help others who are suffering. They will feel so secure and happy knowing that there is a power greater than whatever they may fear.

Myth: When dividing the workload among coworkers, you should stick to what you have been assigned to. If you ever help to fix someone else's problems without being asked, you are bordering on sainthood. Keep track of how many times you have done extra to make sure you don't get taken advantage of.

Fact: Giving cheerfully and freely is a sure way of receiving from God much more than you gave. If your kindness is done with a grudge, nothing will come of it, just extra calories spent. But if it's done purposefully in faith, with a willing heart, be ready for the blessings to roll in! "If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away." (Mat. 5:40-42)

Myth: If you suspect that others misunderstand or dislike you, shrink out of sight as much as possible. Speak and appear as little as possible. The less they know about you the less they'll have to say, and might forget you're even there.

Fact: If you suspect others misunderstand you, and it is important that you all get along well, prove them wrong! Interact with them if you can, share your thoughts and sincere feelings, your sense of humor, and best of all, ask them for advice. Even the crustiest, unfriendliest, thick-skinned person loves to have their opinions valued. Hiding only reinforces their suspicions that there might be something fishy about you.

Myth: Be aware of your status, compare yourself and the work you're asked to do with others around you. If you feel like you are on the bottom of the pile - you are! Be sure you show your resentment at being given demeaning and humiliating jobs.

Fact: There is a good chance that others around you are doing tough and unpleasant jobs as well, but have chosen to see them in a positive light so that they can excel and move on. You can choose to love the tasks you are given, unless you are convinced your job is not worth your time - then quit and find another. Otherwise, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." (Col. 3:23)

Myths and legends are not just in fairy tales, they creep into real life a little too easily!

The Fussy Eater

It's fascinating to see that around the world, parents have very different ideas of what children can and can't eat. My friend who worked in our church in India prepared a meal for an Indian pastor's family, but as the parents politely ate, the children tried to hide their dislike for the chicken and potatoes that were on their plate. When she finally pulled out the fiery hot sauce in a little bottle, their mother liberally drenched the food in it and the children munched away happily.

In another part of the world I watched in horror as mothers would pile spoonfuls of sugar into their children's already super-sweet chocolate milk, and in other places fill baby bottles with Coke! They would also look at me in horror as my children would bite into a freshly chopped piece of celery. "What?? They can eat that???"

There was an age when my boys began stuffing anything their little fists could grab a hold of, into their mouths. TV remotes, cell phones, shoes, belt buckles...I had to be on constant guard duty to monitor what was going into their mouths. Babies explore the world around them at a few months old through the taste and tactile experience of their mouths as their vision and hearing are not yet well developed. That was a perfect time to start placing thick chopped carrot sticks into their hands and other healthy vegetables for them to gnaw on with their toothless gums and develop a taste for. If they swallowed some of the vegetable juice, all the better for them.

As they grew into toddlers, there was no fight to get them to enjoy a snack of raw carrots, sweet peppers or celery, because they had already enjoyed them as babies. As they got older the challenge came to get them to eat cooked broccoli, peas and other such typically "nasty" food for children. My husband was very instrumental in this phase of the game, and since I had boys his strategy worked perfectly.

"Don't eat that!" he'd shout, "Those are trees!" he said pointing to the broccoli. "Only giants eat those - like me!" That was all it took, and they'd be defiantly chewing off the tops of trees to prove that they were as tough as giants. They made faces at the bitter taste at first, but because of Dad's reaction they'd keep eating to show off their "bravery". Peas were bullets, string beans were guns, etc. etc. Some meal conversations were completely taken up with him exclaiming, "I can't believe you just ate that! Stop!!!" with little mouths busy with vegetables exploding in their teeth...Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little sanity to teach a lesson that will last a good long time.

With girls, another tactic might work better if they have no interest in proving a resemblance to giants. Choose a good role model that they would want to emulate - a woman in sports who has to eat well, a character in a book, a famous woman in history or in the Bible when Coke and candy hadn't yet made their way into anyone's diet. Also, bribery done right can actually work wonders. They have to eat their vegetables well for one or two weeks straight without complaining and then they will earn the right to have their favorite toy, clothes - fill in the blank. By the end of those two weeks, chances are they'll actually begin to like those foods, or at least dislike them a little less. The human tongue can be trained to like or dislike tastes much more readily that we think.

The trick is to have healthy food in front of them as often as possible, and limit the unhealthy to very small amounts or reserve them for special occasions. Moms who stock their kitchens with lots of sugary sodas, processed foods, white breads and candy have no right to complain that their children don't eat well. If they see a healthy food often enough, and see you and your husband enjoying it, it's highly likely that they will eventually try it and like it as well. If you've already decided that they don't like it and don't even try to offer it, how do you expect them to develop a taste for it? Common sense; yet strangely not so common any more.

Little lambs in a hostile world

Sometimes Mark and I take a walk down to the playground nearby to kick around his soccer ball, and I wonder about the little children I see so often unsupervised. It's as if their parents just want them out of the house, and by the way they behave, you can tell that they don't get much attention inside the house either. But they're out there, an open target for anyone who would want to take advantage of these young lives, sad to say.

On the other hand, you can always tell who the children are that are well loved and cared for. They have their moms hovering around like helicopters, watching every move, shouting encouragement and praises when they reach the top of the slide, and warning them to remember to play nice with the others. They bring a pack of juice, and wet wipes for their hands, and an extra sweater, and keep a first aid kit in the car. They may look overprotective, but reality demands that if you want to be a good parent these days, you protect.

And then there were the little girls who were playing alone, one about 8 watching over her little sister of about 5. The other moms were asking each other who they belonged to, and ended up having to help the girls tie a shoe and reach the water fountain for a drink. Where was their mother, and why did she think it was safe to let them wander through the neighborhood alone? Doesn't she watch the evening news? We watched them walk off in the direction of what we hoped was their home, hand in hand, dirty and the smallest one crying because she had fallen and hurt herself. Two little defenseless lambs, so vulnerable.

The age for having children to help tend the farm and let them run wild through the fields when work is done, has long gone. The dangers for children generations ago lay mostly in diseases, hunger and the strain of hard labor. Today our children face the danger of people who would willingly commit violence against them. Thankfully there are still many good hearted and honest people who wouldn't dare hurt a child. But who are they and where are they, is not so easy to answer.

For those who want to have children, your job as their protector is a serious one. You are bringing them into a hostile world and if you are not prepared to fight for their safety, it would be better for you not to have them at all. For those of you who do have children, you have precious lives entrusted to you. Take good care that they make it through their childhood with their innocence intact.