FIrst of the Three Intolerables

In our marriage courses and in our church, as much as we encourage marriages to stay together and work out differences, there are always cases in which separation and even divorce must happen.  I say must, because if they don't happen, a very evil and destructive spirit will pervade that home and cause far more harm if it isn't stopped.

In some situations I have no problem encouraging a spouse to leave, even when he or she is hesitant.  Most of the time when separation is needed, there is so much guilt and fear involved, that what may seem like an obvious and necessary step can seem so confusing to the spouse that needs to take that action.  If we always take the "neutral" position of letting them choose for themselves, we can end up with a severely battered wife, a husband who ends up resenting God, or children who are taken away by CPS when they could have been protected by their own parents before things got out of hand.

What are these intolerables?

Abuse:  When there is domestic violence, sexual or emotional abuse, when the abuser refuses to be honest and get the help that he or she needs and continues this behavior, the spouse and children must be removed from the home immediately.  What if the other spouse fights back? What if he says he's sorry?  When abuse occurs, it is far more than just a problem of someone's temper getting out of hand.  There is a deeper root that has to be pulled out from inside the heart and emotions of a person who feels a need to inflict harm on those he or she claims to love.

This person is unwell, and needs to find help.  For a spouse to stay in that situation, especially with children involved, he or she is condoning that behavior just by staying put.  Not only condoning, but in essence inviting that behavior to repeat.  This can cause severe emotional damage to the innocent children who have to witness this, and could potentially have them removed from the care of both parents.  When you come into contact with a woman who wants to leave a violent husband, by all means, let her leave!  Pray for her, encourage her to get counseling, but he will NOT change when he gets his way.

One of the worst things that we can do to a spouse that is being abused is to tell them to "just pray." Faith is paramount to seeing God change hardhearted people, but faith (as the mantra goes in our church) has to be intelligent.  That means that we have to take action and do what is sensible, even if our emotions scream out in fear.  Fear has to be pushed to the side and rational faith take over.

Your fears say that if you pack up and leave, he or she will be so angry they'll never change.  Fears say that your children will suffer terribly if you take them away from their mom or dad.  Fear demands that you remain paralyzed and take the easiest, least threatening path to finding a solution, which often translates into doing nothing.  Fear makes you codependent.

But FAITH dictates that we do what is right - that we stand our ground and believe that through our boldness of action that God will see us through, protect our children, and give us victory.  And what if the abusive spouse spirals out of control, doesn't want to change and walks out on the marriage?  The answer to that is, move on. Your presence cannot heal him or her. Only God can heal them and only they can fight for their freedom.   You on the other hand, have an obligation to value yourself enough to fight for your own blessings and freedom.

The second intolerable coming next...

Sweet Dreams are Made of These...

I just saw the movie, "Inception" with my family last night, action packed with tons of suspense and odd twists in the story.  It was the first time to see Leo Di Caprio as a daddy, and weird to see the creepy bad guy in "Batman Begins," play a rich businessman you almost want to like.  It was all about dreams, extracting people's dreams and inserting new dreams into people's heads.  All very surreal and at 2 and a half hours long, I enjoyed a pleasant nap half way through to wake up just as confused as I was when I dozed off.   I was entertained, and all the guys in my family liked it a lot, which made me happy to know they were happy.

One thing I couldn't get into was the way they treated dreams as so deep and profound, or the way they made great use of fear in dreams.  I'm just not into fear. I've learned a strange trick to turn my dreams at night to my favor if they get anywhere near scary or bothersome.  If a bullet is flying at me, I am somehow conscious that it isn't real but a dream, and I turn it into a bumblebee or a butterfly.  I force the scary things to become less threatening.  I scold the bad guys and tell them to be ashamed of themselves and watch them slink away with their heads hanging, and the monsters I just may turn into teddy bears having a picnic.  Every time I do that the emotional intensity of the dream just flattens out like someone had popped a balloon. The dream just turns to nonsense or I just wake up.

This all started when I was 7, when I had one of my terrifying recurring nightmares of being pushed off a high cliff.  In mid-air I remembered that I only fall off cliffs in dreams, which meant I could insert whatever I wanted to change my dream.  I placed a huge mattress at the base of the cliff, and then had a lovely time bouncing up and down when I reached the bottom.  The dream faded away pretty quickly after that.

These days I rarely remember a dream at all, and I think it's because my mind nullifies anything disturbing so quickly, that any dreams I might have are completely forgotten the moment I open my eyes.

I don't know if everybody is as aware of the fact that they can control their dreams, but I know all of us can control the fears and irritations we have during our waking hours.  I believe that once we know how to bind up negative attitudes and fears the moment they start to encroach on our thoughts, the easier we can handle the stresses of our daily lives.  For those who would just see this as a psychological trick, you're not going to get very far because psyching yourself out to feel good even when things are going wrong, doesn't change the fact that things are still going wrong!

Using faith to stop evil from harming us does more than give us an emotional sense of peace, but it actually stops concrete problems from happening in very real and practical ways.  There's a kind of stubbornness combined with faith that says just plain "NO YOU DON'T" to any spiritual force that is trying to tempt you with worry or fear or choosing what is wrong. It can become a part of who you are.  It's a faith that says no to the idea that God won't come through for you, no to the idea that if you humble yourself you'll just get hurt, no to the thought that your problems are just too overwhelming.  Faith knows how to put those attacking spirits to shame if you use it, and then the results in real life follow.

I've known various people who said, NO YOU DON'T to cancer, to drugs, to prostitution, to AIDS, to witchcraft, to depression, and are no longer victims of any of them.

You may not be able to turn a bullet into a butterfly, but you sure can turn around an attack on your life into a victory if you just learn how to fight back, and that's even better.

Power hungry girls

I almost had to laugh speaking to the teenage girls in one of our churches on a recent Sunday.  Some had grown up in the church while others had just started attending a few weeks before.  Some had never read a Bible in their lives, and all of them came from unsavory neighborhoods and had seen unspeakable things.  I looked across the classroom of dead-pan faces, girls clad in tight jeans, tight tank-tops or scoop necked t-shirts, just  daring me to say something that they would think even slightly interesting.

It seems that acceptable behavior among teen girls in the ghetto is to show absolutely no regard for adults.  Stare at them, but don't speak to them.  When asked a question, say nothing, don't respond.  The body language is meant to say, "Why should I care about you when I don't even care about myself?  You are meaningless, you are one of THEM."

Thank goodness that I have wised up to the fact that those are just lies they hide behind. None of them really feel that way.  All of them are lonely, afraid, insecure, and desperately in need of care and guidance.  They all wanted to hear what I had to say, but were terrified of showing it.  They've been enslaved to a spirit that threatens to make life miserable if they become open and honest.

But as I talked, I discovered that what they were looking for was not love or acceptance or purpose, but power.  These are girls that wouldn't bat an eye beating up a friend that turned on them.  I know because they told me so, sincerely believing that that was the only way to solve the problem.  Telling them that Jesus teaches to turn the other cheek brought out shrieks of protest.  "What?  Why???!!"  Letting others have the upper hand is unthinkable.  In their lives where drug dealers prowl their streets, where their own relatives have attempted to rape them, where violence at home is the norm, where the school yard is a place of survival of the fittest, the concepts of servanthood and giving to receive are as alien as another galaxy.

If I had a daughter facing danger, I'd want her to be equipped with something powerful to protect her, but what would that be?  I began to speak of the invisible world of God's Spirit that surrounds them, and the power they have over evil in their lives.  Demons are real, unseen forces that provoke violence are our enemy, not the people who we see in front of us.  Their eyes widened as they learned that there was a power that they could use that would keep them safe, and that would fight for them, the power of faith in Jesus and the authority He gives us over evil.  Examples and testimonies made some sit up with excitement, while others squirmed uncomfortably as if something inside of them hated hearing it.

I asked, do you want to have this power?  The only way it can work is if you surrender your life completely to God's Spirit, and let Him control you.  That's when you're under His protection.  Do everything differently, upside down, give before receiving, love those who hate you, believe before your eyes see any change, and learn to face the devil head on with no fear, and drive him out of your life.  Now that's power that can have the after-effects of a nuclear bomb.

They left with different looks on their faces than when they came in.  I challenged them to try it for just one week and tell me what happened.  Let's see if they did.

500 Days of Stupidity - Moms, please be aware

Movies like "Fiddler on the Roof", one of my all time favorite musicals, gives us a peek at life in the old country when daughters came with dowries and matchmakers arranged the best marriage deals to satisfy all parties involved.  I used to think it was quaint and a sad sort of thing.  But now that I have children, I'm beginning to think that hand-picking their spouse myself would be the perfect solution. (Don't worry guys, a  mom can dream, can't she?)

I just say that because as I look around, I see Jesus' words coming true today more than ever,  "When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?" Christian moms, be aware, the world is encroaching on the values that we think we are instilling in our young ones, sinking their roots into them like crabgrass.  It makes you want to put them in a sealed space-pod and shoot them into the stratosphere until you find the perfect mate for them so they can avoid any more contamination.  But of course, no one wants to be "set up" by their elders any more, no one wants to have anyone meddling in their romantic affairs because it's just not done and it is so very, very, very uncool.

It's so uncool that a movie last summer became a sleeper hit of the season, "(500) Days of Summer".  A guy likes a girl, a lot.  He thinks she's "the one."  Girl likes guy but hates commitment.  Girl flirts, makes sexual overtures, eventually sleeps with and practically moves in with the guy but insists that they are not a "couple."  Girl gets offended when he tries to defend her honor as if he has the right to think she's his girlfriend.  Guy is in love, girl treats him like trash, but says she really likes him. Stupid guy keeps obsessing about stupid girl.  The end.

Hate to spoil it, but that's the movie in a nutshell.  There have been other movies with this sort of message, but few have tried to pretend to be so profound as if they were revealing deep truths about life and love. and millions of people eager to swallow these "truths" paid $60,000,000 at the box office to make it a huge hit.

But there are certain boundaries that were set in place by God, certain age-old truths about relationships that can't be undone just by the fashion of the day.  Girls who flirt and make sensual comments boost a guy's ego, while they degrade themselves in the process.  Wanting to have a boyfriend while having close "guy friends" at the same time undermines trust and proves that they have no idea what a blessing true commitment is.

But you as a mom say, "But that's just kids these days.  This is a different culture."  Yeah, but God doesn't change, and the evil nature of humanity doesn't either.  Don't let the pleas of your daughter to wear revealing clothes, to speak too suggestively to the men she knows, to constantly text and call and throw herself at guys with the excuse that they're "just friends," fool you.  Be the mean one for the moment and say no.  You need to realize that it's time to make some big changes before it's too late.

Christian girls are encouraged to think that they can mix the secular values they find in school and on the screen with their faith.  Maybe they'll won't loose their virginity before marriage, but they sure do enjoy being a tease.  And when they see other young women trying to live a life of purity and integrity, they'll say, "Good for you!" and then laugh at them behind their back because they're such bores.  Wake up and see that the sweet darlings that you thought were such nice church-going girls, have their hearts set on indulging their emotions.  Don't think for a moment that she would never be so false; the influence of this world is too much for anyone who doesn't have an uncompromising faith.  How do you change the desires of her heart?  Only God can do that, but there are steps you can take to lead her in the right direction.  Stay tuned for more.

Meanwhile I'll be in my workshop constructing those space-pods...

The Decision That Saved His Life

When Mark was 11 months old and tottering around the house on chubby little legs, I had to carefully baby-proof every room. I made sure there was no table he could pull down on himself, that all the light sockets were covered, that there were no small articles that he could put in his mouth and choke on. Also that every door that led outside was securely locked - except for that day.

Sunday after church in Durban, South Africa, we went home while my husband stayed behind to preach in the afternoon services, and Todd went to a friend's house. I fed the baby, and let him wander around as I did some laundry, thinking that I would get a head start on Monday's chores. I really don't know how many minutes passed before I realized that I no longer heard his chattering voice, I had been so lost in thought. Terror gripped me when I started to call his name and go from room to room and not hear a sound or see him anywhere. I ran up and down the hallways, and then glanced out the window to see his little body floating face-down in the swimming pool in the back yard. The one door in the back porch that was always locked had been left unlatched. He had pushed it open, and loving the pool, had walked right into it and drowned.

The first word out of my mouth was, NOOOO!!!! I ran and jumped in the pool to fish him out. He was swollen, blue and not breathing. His arms were stiffly sticking out to either side, and he was unrecognizable. He must have been there for quite some time to have transformed into this monster-like creature. I rushed him to the small carpet on the back porch and began to pump his stomach - something I had only seen on TV and remembered from a high school P.E. class.

From the moment I saw him and tried to resuscitate him, a million thoughts were running through my mind. "You idiot! Why didn't you check that door? It's all your fault that he's dead!" "Just be thankful to God that He gave you these 11 months with him on this earth, it must be his time to go to heaven." "Why are you even praying? You haven't been that spiritual lately, why do you think God would listen to you now when you don't deserve it? You're a failure as a mother!"

And then, thank God, other thoughts flooded in: "God is a healer! God does miracles! God raises the dead!" "Pray, fight for him like never before, forget whether you feel spiritual or worthy of anything - this is your child PRAY! FIGHT NOW!" Then a determination swept over me and an anger that the devil wanted to kill my son. I prayed against the feelings and told God, "If I have to pray for a week for him to come back from the dead, I'm not stopping." I made my decision and began to rebuke all the evil that was at work to steal his life.

All of this happened within seconds, but it was a decision of life and death. I was pumping his stomach, and nothing was happening. I was trying to breath into his mouth, but the air wasn't going in. I kept praying, rebuking, and doing all I could, and finally as I breathed into him once more, I felt his lungs fill and his chest rose with air. He made a tiny groan, and I knew he would live. I picked him up and he vomited all the water out of his stomach, and began to cry weakly. He was limp, gray, and couldn't move his limbs. I ran in and bundled him up in a blanket and massaged him all over, and made more decisions for God and the devil to hear:

"He will not be brain damaged."
"He will not have any paralysis or loss of movement."
"He will be perfectly normal in every way.
"He will not be traumatized by what just happened."
"He will have no fear of water, love swimming and grow to be a bold, happy and healthy boy!"

I called my husband, who was on his way home to change his shirt, something that he normally didn't do on Sundays. He prayed with me over the phone. I called the pediatrician who arranged for us to go straight into the emergency room. Then Marky ate, slept, and woke up talking away in his baby language about balls and cars and ready to play!

The trip to the hospital proved beyond a doubt that what I had decided was exactly what God had done. They had to remove us from the Intensive Care Unit because I couldn't keep him from running around the room and squealing! He was the healthiest patient there. Even a troop of student nurses, led by their head nurse, came to see me and congratulate me for having done a "wonderful job of CPR." But that wasn't what really brought Mark back to life - it was deciding to use my faith, against all odds and against all emotions. They kept us overnight, just in case some complication arose, but the doctor released us sooner than planned. As soon as we got home, I took him around to the back yard. When he spotted the pool, he stretched out his arms and shouted, "Pool! Pool!" And with all our clothes on, we hopped in and went for a lovely swim.

He is a happy, healthy, active 11 year old, who loves to help us evangelize, play soccer and is game for just about anything. But if I had decided to listen to those "logical" arguments in my head to just be thankful that I had him for 11 months, that would be exactly what God would have allowed and we would have buried him that week. The power to decide is what faith is all about. It's God's gift to us so He can show His power, but only we can make it happen.

D-Day 2009, by David Higginbotham

During the Second World War a time came when leaders of the Allied Forces knew they needed a decisive victory if they were going to win the war against Nazi Germany. So they decided on a plan, spent months preparing themselves and then on June 6th, 1944, launched the largest single-day amphibious assault of all time – popularly known as D-Day.

160,000 troops were packed into 6900 ships and transported by night across the English Channel from England to France, where they were to run onto unprotected beaches and confront German tanks, one million mines and machine gun nests. For additional support, overnight parachute and glider landings placed thousands of troops behind enemy lines.

Crazy you say? Absolutely! But it was the turning point of WWII. Before that day the Allied Forces were losing the war. London was on fire from daily aerial bombings and most of Europe was in the hands of the Nazis. So something drastic had to be done.

Within one month over one million troops had landed on the Normandy beaches and German troops were in retreat. The rest is history.

The spirit of the Day of Decision is exactly the same. All or nothing. Throw everything you have into one all-out leap of faith. Be audacious. Stop doing what doesn’t work and try something new.

65 years ago the Allied commanders knew that if they kept up the normal routine, defeat was guaranteed. But what about you today? If you keep doing the same old things, what can you really expect? Aren’t you guaranteed more of the same, or worse?
On the Day of Decision we propose that you challenge God to begin to show His power in your life in a tangible, concrete way that’ll leave no doubts. Declare your personal D-Day on September 13.

No words. Just action. Win the war for a better life.

Succeed in Life Center 5150 N. SHepherd Dr. Houston, Texas, 77018 1-888-691-2291 www.succeedinlife.org

Random Myths that Need Busting

Myth: It is unfair, unhealthy and unethical to be asked to work more that 40 hours a week.

Fact: When you are working at something you love, and something that you know will bless your life, extra hours put in on the job are a joy and should be seen as an investment with great returns.

Myth: You should not speak about unpleasant subjects such as death, war, abuse or the occult in front of your children or they will be traumatized.

Fact: You'd better speak to your children about all of the above! They need to hear the truth about how God views all of them from your mouth before they start forming their own opinions based on what they see on TV. If you are scared or upset about any of these, they will be as well. If you understand the freedom and authority God gives us over all evil, than these subjects can turn into beautiful discussions of how much we can help others who are suffering. They will feel so secure and happy knowing that there is a power greater than whatever they may fear.

Myth: When dividing the workload among coworkers, you should stick to what you have been assigned to. If you ever help to fix someone else's problems without being asked, you are bordering on sainthood. Keep track of how many times you have done extra to make sure you don't get taken advantage of.

Fact: Giving cheerfully and freely is a sure way of receiving from God much more than you gave. If your kindness is done with a grudge, nothing will come of it, just extra calories spent. But if it's done purposefully in faith, with a willing heart, be ready for the blessings to roll in! "If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away." (Mat. 5:40-42)

Myth: If you suspect that others misunderstand or dislike you, shrink out of sight as much as possible. Speak and appear as little as possible. The less they know about you the less they'll have to say, and might forget you're even there.

Fact: If you suspect others misunderstand you, and it is important that you all get along well, prove them wrong! Interact with them if you can, share your thoughts and sincere feelings, your sense of humor, and best of all, ask them for advice. Even the crustiest, unfriendliest, thick-skinned person loves to have their opinions valued. Hiding only reinforces their suspicions that there might be something fishy about you.

Myth: Be aware of your status, compare yourself and the work you're asked to do with others around you. If you feel like you are on the bottom of the pile - you are! Be sure you show your resentment at being given demeaning and humiliating jobs.

Fact: There is a good chance that others around you are doing tough and unpleasant jobs as well, but have chosen to see them in a positive light so that they can excel and move on. You can choose to love the tasks you are given, unless you are convinced your job is not worth your time - then quit and find another. Otherwise, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." (Col. 3:23)

Myths and legends are not just in fairy tales, they creep into real life a little too easily!

For all who say God doesn't do miracles

And the Award Goes To...

I love movies, I enjoy good acting, realistic dialogue, an unpredictable plot, a true message, interesting faces and voices and faraway places and all with a warm box of popcorn on my lap. Love it. i appreciate all the hard work, the research, the carefully selected wardrobe, the immaculate make-up, the hair-dos appropriate to the historical setting, the computer generated effects, the moving sound-track and the precision camera work. So nice of them to give me a couple hours of fantasy for a handful of dollars when I have nothing better to do.

But I always feel a bit like throwing up when I watch them cry and hold their hands over their hearts and "thank the Academy" for their golden statues, and act as if they were heroes to a thunderous standing ovation - like they had just rescued an entire country from a nuclear holocaust. They love congratulating themselves and honoring themselves and spending massive amounts of money on the most expensive wardrobes to celebrate how well they pretend to be other people. And we let them get away with it because it's such a part of our culture, what else can we do? We put the money in their pockets after all, and they do give us a heck of a show...

Meanwhile how about the ones who really do rescue people? Who is giving them golden statues and throwing giant parties, who is screaming out their names, just dying to get a glimpse of their face? Who has their teenage kids plastering the faces of these real heroes on their bedroom walls and wishing they could be just like them?

There are silent heroes all over the world, who pull people out of the pit of death, who rescue the suicidal, who heal, teach, give hope, inspire, and light the way to God Himself. You can tell who the real heroes are, because they couldn't care less about the recognition, the parties and the awards. They know that what is waiting for them, surpasses everything that Hollywood could ever offer - by far. So I guess we can let the pretty people have their statues. I'd rather hang around with the real heroes any day.